The purpose of writing here is to enlighten, entertain and, perhaps, infuriate. What I don’t do is to share my irrational worries. For eight months I have been mighty worried.
Last August the now Master of the Loriners asked me to be his guest speaker at a luncheon held yesterday. It preyed on me. A kaleidoscope of emotions ran through what might perhaps be called my mind. Primarily I thought that I owe it to my grandfather, who paid for me to go to Castle Park and Eton, to stand up and spout about something. It would be pretty pathetic if I couldn’t manage to force out a few words. Then, I woke up in the night wondering what those words might be. Then I woke up night after night composing brilliant, knock your socks off speeches. Most nights I woke up worrying. Finally I wrote a draft which seemed serviceable. On Wednesday evening I read it aloud to Robert, more to check length than content. It was supposed to be the final draft but both content and, Robert said, delivery were wrong. I tightened it up early yesterday morning and the delivery was much improved by the fine wines dispensed by the Loriners.
I need hardly say that I was like a cat on hot bricks. The bossy Beadle when it came to it put a hand on my shoulder saying “calm down, you’ll do fine sir.”
My doctor, EJ Murgatroyd, prescribed beta blockers to calm me down but I eschewed pill-popping for the edginess of being a bit nervy. Nobody walked out – but they couldn’t. If you don’t know what Loriners do (I didn’t) there is a clue in their coat of arms
I know that speaking in public is practice but if you haven’t got experience it’s terrifying. I may share with you my pathetic speech but I am aware that I am behind with “family history” and have a few outings to look forward to.
By the way the Master is a Judge …
Thanks for introducing me to Mr Dewey ‘Pigmeat’ Markham, surely a latter-day Fats Waller, albeit somewhat reduced in musical ability.
So there is nothing revolutionary about Rap. Pigmeat was there well before our current generation of “musical” heroes.
My dear fellow, family history will just have to wait. You simply must share this address with us, your followers are just aching to dismember it. I never thought you would encounter a problem groping around for what to say, based on your daily musings you have no excuse to be boring. I am sure grand papa would have been suitably chuffed.
I believe the key to a punchy speech is to tell stories. People are weary of instructive information drenched in excessive descriptive phrases. They want the gas, peppered with a suitable sense of humour. If all else fails, your audience will melt when you inform them you are Irish (even if betrayed by a swish Public School accent). Everyone loves a bumbling Paddy.
Assuming your speech was longer than your brothers three minute sermons, who knows what may be offered to you next………a slot on Radio 4, or a column in The Times perhaps? Oh gosh Christopher, your Kingdom for a horse!
Dear Christopher,
Anxiety is mostly irrational. In your case crippling anxiety about public speaking it is totally irrational as you always have something informative, often amusing , to say.
Your achievement yesterday might encourage you to go forth to many platforms.
Nickyx