Most of us take up something new as we get older; something to replace more active pursuits; something that can be done sitting down.
I started writing a blog. Algy Cluff is more ambitious. So far he has written five slim volumes of memoirs. His tone is self-deprecating and unfailingly generous to his friends. His enemies are usually shrouded in anonymity, like his company commander in Borneo, a major in the Irish Guards, who says to Algy –
“You don’t like me do you?”
”As a matter of fact I can’t stand the sight of you”, Algy replied.
Although we are members of the same club – Algy belongs to all the good ones – I have only met him to speak to at PG Wodehouse Society dinners. He is a terrific enthusiast. He used to travel light on lengthy business trips round Africa packing “ a box of Havana cigars, a revolver and a novel by PG Wodehouse”.
He recounts asking Margaret Thatcher, Prime Minister at the time, io join President Mugabe at the official opening ceremony of a gold mine in Zimbabwe. She choppered in but the Jaguar, procured with difficulty, broke down. However, things got better, at least for Denis.
”After the ceremony and the speeches, we adjourned to a marquee where there was much speculation as to whether Denis Thatcher would be able to access a gin and tonic. This was provided and just as the marquee fell silent, Denis was heard saying, ‘Absolutely useless these chaps, I assume!’ ”
David Tang recalled the G&T in his column in FTWeekend in 2012.
“So when I was asked to look after Denis Thatcher, who came with Mrs T, then prime minister, to open a gold mine in Zimbabwe (where I was working for the only man I ever worked for, Algy Cluff), I took great care in my preparation of the gin and tonic for the greatest non-royal consort of our age. I put both the gin and the tonic in the fridge beforehand and cooled the glass at the same time, making sure that there were plenty of ice cubes at hand. When the marvellous Mr Thatcher landed in a prop plane with Mrs T, in the heat of Africa, and covered in dust and a gentle sweat, I was able to provide him a perfect gin and tonic with cold gin, cold tonic, cold glass and cold ice cubes. Each of these ingredients was cold. It is only then that we make a decent gin and tonic – in this case, for the perfect gent. I remember him taking the first sip and noticing his eyebrows twitching and lips moving laterally in satisfaction. Mind you, I did all this very discreetly out of sight behind the tent, as alcohol at an open pit mine was technically illegal. But then, seeing Denis Thatcher enjoying a proper gin and tonic must override all illegalities.”
The inconsistencies in the late Sir David Tang’s account make me think he was not present and invented his part. Algy does not mention his presence. Indeed Algy confirms my suspicion about Tang’s inventiveness in a 2021 article about David Tang in the ever reliable Daily Mail.
“Cluff alleges the flamboyant Hong Kong businessman, who founded the China Tang restaurant at The Dorchester hotel and was said to be ‘London‘s best-connected man’, had been ‘plundering the assets of various companies in order to fund his mythomaniacal life’.”
But I am grateful to Sir David as he was the inspiration for my first letter in the FT – pointing out Denis eschewed lemon in his G&Ts.
There are two things missing in Algy Cluff’s life: A Wikipedia entry and a knighthood. I assume both were on offer but both rejected.