When’s a kettle not a kettle? When it’s Darth Vader. I just couldn’t bear having a toaster or a kettle in view in the kitchen – they both looked so ugly. So first I found an achingly cool, black and chrome Dualit toaster and now I have a to-die-for Alessi kettle.
I’m aware that Church of Ireland readers think and sometimes comment on my wanton extravagances. If I may say, it’s a flawed mind-set. On Thursday, tragically, I went on a day-trip to Penzance for a funeral. For a mere extra £40 I could have travelled first class but one of my friends balked at this extravagance. As it turned out it was a blessing, as we did not have to share our picnic with the first class mourners. Instead I had an interesting theological debate with the cleric who had come from London to conduct the service. He was unobtrusively travelling second class arrayed in a scarlet surplice and reading his breviary.
On Friday my broker, the almost-blonde boy Alistair, treated me to lunch in Soho. I fear the bill absorbed most of the meagre fee I pay him. Now I must draw the threads together. He told me that his full service clients pay 1.25% of the valuation of their portfolios. Sometimes he puts his clients into managed funds so they are chucking away at least 2%. My designer kettle is a snip at £70. Next week you will see how I am spending some of the five figure sum I’m not paying Alistair.
It’s a whole new experience for me…I’ve got Kettle Envy…I think I’ll find the cure!!
It is so sad that the author is becoming so posessed by posessions, and, even more depressing that his purchases are all in funereal black. Perhaps this matches his mood? Naturally my puritanical, Church of Ireland upbringing prohibits one from such displays of excess, though I would also question the practicalities of an appliance that appears to have the capacity of a travel kettle?
I am now fully assured that the author has developed in to a complete city softee who continously sacrafices utility to show. No doubt next week I will be subjected to further shows of vulgarity as the author continues his gold plated lifestyle.