An army friend told me that he had arranged a reunion dinner for his intake at Sandhurst. To make it more interesting he got copies of their Sandhurst reports and put them at their places. They all opened them, most laughed and shared the contents with their neighbours but some hastily put them away. These sort of things can be surprisingly insightful.
I recently acquired two of my army reports. The first is a summary of an interview I had with the Irish Guards when I was seventeen and still at school. There is no record of whom it is written by but undoubtedly a soldier of wisdom, insight and humour. Under School “glad to leave – bored”, under Sport “no rough games”, under CCF “enjoys CCF, rank Cadet”.
Maturity C, Manner B, Authority C-, Confidence C-, Humour B, Responsible C+, Alert C+, Personality C, Enthusiasm C. I suppose the scale did not go lower than C. In an unenthusiastic concluding paragraph I will just quote “wet and immature”.
It is, I regret, a remarkably accurate insight into my character and deficiencies as a seventeen year-old. Somewhat surprisingly I did manage to gain a gap year commission with the Irish Guards. When I left to go up to Durham there was an excuse for another assessment, showing some improvement from the previous year. It is signed by my Commanding Officer, who somewhat cautiously admits “I know him slightly” and the Regimental Lieutenant Colonel who admits to no “personal knowledge of the officer”. The Lieutenant Colonel was John Ghika and although he forgot our meeting I didn’t. It was my first taste of Mateus Rosé.
Prince John Ghika accompanied General Sir Basil Eugster on a trip to inspect the Irish Guards in Belize. My platoon was detailed to put on a live firing demonstration to amuse them. Afterwards, to my surprise, I was invited to join them for lunch. So it came about that at an hotel on Mountain Pine Ridge in central Belize, with my Commanding Officer and Adjutant, I sat down to lunch with these Top Brass. I was just nineteen, shy and spotty. The chilled, sweet Mateus Rosé elicited cries of “tarts’ toothpaste”, “revolting” etc. from around the table. I kept my opinion to myself; absolutely delicious and alcoholic to boot. After swigging as much as I could without attracting too much attention some of my shyness evaporated.
I neither pursued a military career nor did I continue to slurp Mateus. Nevertheless both were formative experiences and remembered with fondness.
I seem to remember you and no doubt many others of us purchasing some pretty dubious brews from Augustus Barnett or whatever the winery was called in Market Place Durham. The only good thing about the Valpolicellas we consumed was the price at 50p per 75cc’s of it. Mateus then was rather up market so no wonder you imbibed it so copiously in Belize.
I remember the lady manageress – she always called me “petal”. Lawyers will remember Augustus Barnett because of a test case to establish if the directors had been fraudulently trading knowing the firm was insolvent.