Should you seek investment advice, Number Fifty-six is the place to come.
Bertie will greet you at Reception and give you a simple form to fill out; do you want dividends or capital growth? If you want the former he will direct you to Robert’s office, if the latter to mine.
If you want income don’t be fobbed off with two or three percent – aim for 5% and jump on a ‘plane to the Caribbean when the days are short and the weather chilly in London. You don’t need the kit Boot took to Ishmaelia (Scoop, Evelyn Waugh).
“A well-, perhaps rather over-, furnished tent, three months’ rations, a collapsible canoe, a jointed flagstaff and Union Jack, a hand-pump and sterilizing plant, an astrolabe, six suits of tropical linen and a sou’-wester, a camp operating table and set of surgical instruments, a portable humidor, guaranteed to preserve cigars in condition in the Red Sea, and a Christmas hamper complete with Santa Claus costume and a tripod mistletoe stand, and a cane for whacking snakes. … at the last moment he added a coil of rope and a sheet of tin.” And, of course six polo sticks and six hockey sticks cloven to order.
You need these investment trusts:
Murray International, yield 4.6%, discount 6.4%
Merchants Trust, yield 5.0%, premium 1.5%
City of London, yield 5.0%, discount 1.0%
Pack your Vilebrequin swimmers, feel the sun on your back, the sand between your toes and order a Planter’s Punch while the dividends roll in like the surf on the beach.