There’s a paucity of news from Margravine Gardens so I must make bricks without straw.
Bertie’s home schooling is going very well – no thanks to me. He is almost two years old, so if dogs age seven times faster than us he is ready for Eton. My godson’s parents sent their dog to boarding school many years ago and were delighted with the result. So confident were they, they didn’t put him on a lead in a field of sheep. Ashcombe, for that was the dog’s name, got into holiday mode, released from school, and adopted ovine pursuit as his special subject. He subsequently fell further from grace when he attacked the General’s dog at an Irish Peers’ Association picnic at Stonor, biting both dog and General.
Home schooling saves money but more importantly is more effective. Bertie is getting bossed around by Robert like a Sandhurst cadet by the Academy RSM. I get a bit of flak too when I go off-message. Bertie was cheerful but his mission was always to push boundaries. Now he seems happy to be a philosophical beagle, able to accept his place in the hierarchy of his restricted society and enjoy oodles of the affection bestowed on him.
I have news from my correspondent in Dubai, breaking news. Media in the Emirates reveal Queen Elizabeth II, the Supreme Governor of the Church of England, is holding her second son, Andrew, Duke of York, incommunicado in a guarded property close to Windsor Castle. Her grandson, the Duke of Sussex, escaped with his wife a year ago and her authoritarian regime fear further defections. The Prime Minister of Dubai has expressed concern for Prince Andrew’s welfare and has asked Human Rights organisations to intervene. The Foreign Office and the Palace are not responding to questions, as expected in a monarchical theocracy.
Actually Ashcombe bit the General’s wife not the General, she being the more assertive. And while I’m at it the chap in charge of things at Sandhurst is the Academy Sergeant Major not the Academy RSM. That paragon during my time (a Grenadier) was photographed by The Sun shouting at Prince Harry in less than glamorous circumstances. Following publication he complained to me that it depicted him ‘with more chins than a Chinese telephone directory’.