Wine to Water

I started drinking seriously half a century ago (1973) when I was posted to Belize in the Irish Guards.

Hitherto I had been a cider drinker on Queen’s Eyot or an ale drinker at Tap on Eton High Street. In Airport Camp, Belize, the Mess had a barman/Guardsman trained at the Savoy or similar to shake up cocktails. The ingredients were duty free. The cigarettes, in cartons of 200, were completely free. I gave mine to the Guardsmen in my platoon. I am amazed no soldiers have blamed the army for lung cancer. The cigarettes had been confiscated by HMRC and were given out to the Armed Services serving in hardship postings. HMRC burn the ciggies these days.

I became, specially at university, a heavy drinker and in recent years what a friend called “a fully functioning alcoholic”. Surprisingly none of my vital organs were damaged but now, not quite seamlessly, I have morphed into “a recovering alcoholic”. To be honest, not a trait typical in hard-core alcoholics, I have not found it too hard to give up. My problem now is “memory fade”. This happens when I forget the benefits of staying dry and think there is no harm in having a few social drinks.

To combat memory fade I have enlisted an addiction therapist trading under the delightful monicker – Wine to Water. I am having one hour Zoom sessions with her and am almost completely truthful. My untruths are sins of omission rather than direct lies. I am falling short by refusing her suggestion to write an account of my emotional journey from childhood onwards paying special attention to areas of my life no sane individual would want to explore. There isn’t something nasty in the woodshed, nevertheless I prefer to reflect on the happy aspects of my life of which there are many. If Wine to Water is ineffective in combatting memory fade I will try hypnosis.

My sister is ten years older than me and her personal level of fitness is the same or better than mine so I listened when she told me about her exercise regime. I am resistant to the sort of workouts used by the Canadian airforce – sitting in cockpits all day makes pilots prone to constipation and corpulence – that take half an hour daily. Angela’s programme takes two minutes a day and can be carried out concurrently with teeth brushing. It is simplicity itself: stand on one leg for a minute then repeat with the other leg. Ideally raise and stretch the arms and better balance and posture result.