Dry Up

At this time of year there used to be John Julius Norwich’s Christmas Cracker to anticipate.

JJN though lamented is not forgotten as he leaves us with a formidable literary canon. I don’t find Nicky Haslam’s Christmas tea towel an acceptable substitute for Crackers.

If I may I will unpack. I have always found hydrangeas deeply common shrubs, particularly the lacecap varieties. I also have an idiosyncratic pronunciation for hydrangea which has always been a shibboleth. Having read psychology I have enough insight into my condition to self-diagnose. I use my (Jameson) grandmother’s pronunciation and she planted hydrangeas outside the servants’ windows at Barmeath. I suppose she thought they might empathise with the lacecaps.

Of course Nicky Haslam’s lists are written in fun and some entries make me laugh. PG Wodehouse makes me laugh and I’m pleased Nicky has heard of him although I would have expected him to choose Agatha Christie, who does not make me even titter. I wasn’t familiar with twenty’s plenty. Maybe a Dorothy Parker martini maxim?

“20’s Plenty for London campaigns for 20mph speed limits on London’s residential and urban streets.”

If you are up for paying £38 for a tea towel, two deeply common words, it should be called a drying-up cloth – pronounced clorth – , they may be purchased here. Every time you dry a glass it will pain you to see ‘Ladies’ Day – should be “Ladies’” Day in his context. However, if you have not read his memoir, Redeeming Features, published in 2009 it’s quite good, will give more pleasure and costs less.